" NO person can be possessed; no person can be reduced to property! This is ugly, this is sin! " - Osho.

BELOVED OSHO,

WHY IS THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN INDIAN MAN AND WESTERN WOMAN NOT
SUCCESSFUL? IT ALWAYS BREAKS AT SOME POINT.
WHAT IS THE REAL PROBLEM WHICH COMES IN,
WHICH STOPS THE RELATIONSHIP FROM GROWING MATURE?
PLEASE SAY SOMETHING.


Osho:


VEDANT BHARTI, all relationships break at some point – have to break.

You cannot make your house on the threshold, you should not.

Love is a door: pass through it.

Pass, certainly, don’t avoid it.

If you avoid it you will miss the deity in the temple.

But you should not make your house on the threshold, at the door.

Don’t remain there.

The door is just an opening. You have to move!

Love relationship is a must, but not the destiny,
not the end – only the beginning.

I am all for love.

But remember: love is something that has to be transcended too.

There are two types of people – both go neurotic.

One type is those who are so much afraid of love because they are afraid of dying.

They cling to the ego.

They avoid love.

They may call it religion, but it can’t be religion –
it is just sheer ego and nothing else.

That’s why the monks – the Catholic, the Hindu, the Buddhist –
they have such stronger egos, subtle but very strong, hidden but very strong.

The humbleness is only superficial, is just a sugar coating on the poisonous ego.

They have pious egos, but egos are there.

And a pious ego is more dangerous than an ordinary ego – because
the ordinary ego is apparent, you can’t hide it.

But the pious ego is very hidden and you can carry it in subtle ways for ever and ever.

So this creates one kind of neurosis:
people avoid love and they think they are going towards God.

You can’t go because you have avoided the door itself.

Then there is another kind of neurosis:
seeing the beauty of love, taking the courage to jump into it,
dissolving the ego for a few moments...
because in love it can only be for a few moments.

The ecstasy of love cannot be eternal,
because it is ecstasy between two parts meeting,
dissolving into each other.

Unless you dissolve with the whole you can’t have eternal ecstasy.

Dissolving with the part – with a man,
with a woman – you will be dissolving only in a very small drop of God.

It can’t be oceanic.

Yes, for a moment you will have the taste, and then the taste disappears.

This creates another kind of neurosis: people cling to love affairs.

If love dies with one woman, they change to another woman,
another man; they go on and on.

They start living on the threshold.

They have forgotten the deity, they have forgotten about the temple.

Love has to be transcended into prayer.

Never be in the neurosis of the first kind,
and never cling to the second kind of neurosis.

Go on... move on.

A great emperor, Akbar, created a small, beautiful capital in India.

It was never used because before it was completed Akbar died.

So his capital was never transferred to it from Delhi.

The place’s name is Fatehpur Sikri.

It is one of the most beautiful towns ever planned – and never used by any man.

Every small detail was looked into.

Great architects of those days were consulted, great masters were consulted.

Akbar asked all the great teachers in India of those days to give him a small
sentence which could be written on the door, the passage.

A bridge led to Fatehpur Sikri – a river had to be crossed and
Akbar had made a beautiful gate on the bridge.

Some Sufi suggested a saying of Jesus, and he loved it.

Many sayings were suggested,
but He loved it and that saying was written on the door.

That saying is beautiful.

It doesn’t exist in the Bible; it has come from another oral source.

It says: Life is a bridge – pass through it, but don’t make your house on it.

Love is also a bridge – pass through it.

So no love affair EVER succeeds.

Gives you hope, gives you great hope, but always ends in frustration.

That frustration is in-built; just as the ecstasy is in-built, so is the frustration.

In the beginning it is ecstasy, in the end it is frustration.

That frustration will lead you to go beyond, otherwise how will you go beyond?

When will you search for the real deity in the temple if you cling to the door?

If you think, ”The door is enough and I am contented,” then nobody will ever move.

Jesus says man reaches to God through love, love is God – but this is only half of the truth.

The other half is: man never reaches through love – man reaches only by transcending love.

When both are understood together, you have understood the phenomenon of love.

Love is God and love is not God.

In the beginning it is, in the end it is not.

In the beginning it brings ecstasy, those honeymoon days,
and then the frustration, the boredom that every marriage ends in.

Just think of two persons sitting together, bored.

All has been explored and there is nothing to explore any more.

This is the moment!

Either you can start looking for another man,
another woman, or you can start looking beyond love.

You have lived love, you have seen its beauties and you have seen its uglinesses;
you have seen its joy, you have seen its misery; you have seen its heaven and its hell.

It is not pure heaven, no; otherwise nobody will ever go to God.

It is pure heaven and pure hell – it is both.

Hell and heaven are two aspects of it.

In the beginning hope and in the end frustration.

Passing through that hope and that frustration again and again,
one day the understanding arises,

”What am I doing on the threshold? I have to go beyond!”

And not out of anger but out of understanding one goes beyond.

So the first thing: no relationship ever succeeds.

And it is fortunate that no relationship ever succeeds –
otherwise, when will you relate to God?

Why should you think of God?

Man thinks of God because love gives a glimpse.

Man thinks of God because love gives hope.

And man HAS to think about God because love gives frustration.

All hopes turn into hopelessness.

Without love there will be no search for God
because man will not have any experience of hope and
meaning and significance and grandeur.

Love gives you a glimpse of the beyond... don’t cling to it.

Take the hint of it, and search for something more, go on searching.

Use love as a stepping-stone.

You ask:

WHY IS THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN INDIAN MAN AND WESTERN WOMAN NOT
SUCCESSFUL?

So first thing: no relationship is successful,
whether between Indian man and Western woman, or
Western man and Western woman, or
Indian man and Indian woman.

It can’t succeed; its very nature prohibits it.

It feels it is succeeding, but it never succeeds.

It comes very very close to success, but it never comes exactly to the point.

It takes you on great journeys, but it never supplies the goal.

It keeps your hope aflame, but just hope.

But good, at least it takes you to the threshold.

One step has been taken; half the journey is complete, but half the journey still remains.

And the second thing:

It is more difficult between an Indian man and a Western woman, or
a Western man and an Indian woman.

The problem is not between man and woman,
the problem is between Eastern and Western.

Man and woman are just man and Woman;

East and West make no difference.

But the minds are there.

Those minds create trouble.

The Indian has one kind of mind and the West has evolved a different kind of mind.

So when an Indian man is with a Western woman, or vice versa, there is no communication.

They don’t speak the same language.

It is not only that they don’t speak the same language –

English, German or French or Italian –
they may speak the same language,
still they don’t speak the same language,
because they have different kinds of minds.

Their expectations are different, their conditioning is different.

The Indian man says one thing and the Western woman understands another thing.

The woman says one thing and the Indian man understands something else.

Unless they drop the minds,
unless they become pure man and woman,
there will be great difficulty.

And Vedant Bharti must be asking this question out of his own experience.

One night, eavesdropping on Vedant Bharti, I heard this dialogue:

Vedant Bharti:

”Oh, my gorgeous, sweetest darling!
Am I the first man you’ve ever been to bed with?”

And the American girl:

”Of course you are!
Why do all you Indians always ask the same stupid question?”

Different minds.... The Indian mind is very male chauvinistic.

The Western woman is now a liberated woman;
she lives in a totally different kind of milieu.

She is not the woman you have lived with for centuries in India.

It can’t be possible now to possess a Western woman;
she is no longer property – she is as free as you are.

In India, the woman has been taken as property; man can possess her.

Not only ordinary man – even great men in India think of woman as a possession.

You may have heard the famous story of Mahabharata.

Yudhishthira, one of the very famous men in Indian history –
and has been thought to be very religious, he is known as DHARMARAJ,
a religious king, or a king of religion – playing, gambling, he even staked his wife.

He gambled her, because it was thought that your wife is your property.

He staked his kingdom, he staked his treasury, he staked everything;
then only the wife was left – he staked the wife too.

And still in India he is thought to be one of the greatest religious men.

What kind of religious man is this?

Just to think of staking an alive person, gambling?

But in India the woman has been thought of as property;
you are the possessor, and the whole and sole possessor.

In the West that slavery is no more, it has disappeared.

It is good.

It has to disappear from India too.

Nobody can possess anybody, man or woman.

NO person can be possessed; no person can be reduced to property!

This is ugly, this is sin!

What can be a greater sin than this?

You can love a person, but you cannot possess.

The love that possesses is not love – it is ego.

In India, the man is very male chauvinistic.

And the Indian woman has not yet asserted her freedom.

There exists nothing like the lib movement in India.

The woman still goes on living in the same way.

So when an Indian falls in love with a Western woman, the problem arises –
he starts possessing.

And the Indian mind is very much obsessed with sex; that too creates a problem.

You will be surprised when I say the Indian mind is very much obsessed with sex,
because you think India is very religious and moral.

Yes, it is,but its morality and religion are all so much based on
repression that deep down is the obsession with sex.

If your woman just holds somebody else’s hands, the husband is mad.

Just holding hands!

Holding hands can be just a simple gesture of friendship.

There is no need to give any sexual colour to it, but the Indian man cannot think that.

If his woman is holding hands with somebody else, that means
she is sexually relating to somebody else.

He will be in a rage.

He will not be able to sleep.

He would like to kill the man or the woman or himself.

Something has gone very wrong.

In the West things are looked at in a different way.

One can hold somebody’s hand just as a sheer gesture of friendship,
of lovingness, of sharing.

It need not have any sexual overtone to it.

Or,

even if it has, it is nobody else’s business.

It is the person’s freedom.

A person has to decide his life, how to live, with whom to live.

Nobody else can be the decisive factor, but that creates problems.

Just listen to this:

In the West sex is not so important as people in the East think it is.

Sex has almost become a sharing of energy, a loving play with each other, a fun.

It no longer has that seriousness that it used to have in the past.

In India it is still very very serious.

And when something is serious, remember, ego must be involved in it.

Ego is always serious; it makes everything serious.

And whenever something is playful, that simply shows ego is no more involved in it.

And ALL playfulness is good because it is liberation.

When you fall in love... if all Indian falls in love –
and here it is going to happen again and again –
when an Indian falls in love, he is falling very seriously.

That is the trouble.

And the woman may not think it serious at all.

She may think it is for the moment.

You appeal to her – for the moment.

There is no commitment in it; there is no tomorrow to it.

But the Indian mind is bringing not only tomorrow – the whole life.

Or there are people who even think of other lives in the future.

Those are hidden sources; you don’t talk about them, but the clash is going to happen.

She has fallen in love with you because she enjoys loving; it is a beautiful experience.

She has not fallen in love with you in particular – she is in love with love itself.

That is the difference. You are not in love with love itself –
you are falling in love with this particular woman.

It is a life-death problem for you.

If tomorrow she starts moving with somebody else, you will be mad.

But you misunderstood.

It was a gesture of the moment.

The American girl had just returned to New York from a holiday in England
and was talking to her best friend.

”Mabel, I’ve been thinking about Keith ever since I left England.
Now I’m back home and I don’t think
I should write to him as our friendship was only slight.”

”But, Wendy, you promised to marry him!”

”I know, but that was all.”

Marriage no longer has that seriousness that it has in the East.

Marriage is just a kind of friendship – nothing special about it.

If you don’t understand these different minds it is going to be a difficult problem,
communication will not be possible.

Man in the East has always enjoyed freedom – mm? – they say ”Boys are boys.”

But the woman has not been given any freedom.

In the West now there is no discrimination.

Man or woman – both are free.

And whatsoever man has been doing, now woman is also doing, it;
she has every right to do it.

In the East we played a trick.

The trick was that we placed woman very high on a great pedestal; we worshipped woman.

That was a trick to imprison her.

We satisfied her ego through worship.

We said,

”A woman is a goddess, a woman is purity. A woman is not of this earth. A woman has to be
virgin before marriage and then she has to remain monogamous for the whole of her life.”

And we gave to much respect for this, and we conditioned the women so much for this,
that they became addicted to the ego, and they remained on the pedestal.

Imprisoned there, chains there!

And man was enjoying all kinds of freedom.

Boys are boys....

The woman in the West has come down from the pedestal.

She says,

”Either you also come up on the pedestal or I am coming down.
We both have to exist on the same ground.”

And that’s how it should be.

”I say, old man,” said Clive to the host of the party,
’there’s this rather delectable young chick whom
I’m getting along with really well, if you know what I mean.”

He walked and continued,

”And I wondered if I might use your spare bedroom for a short while.”
”No, I don’t mind,” replied the host.

”But what about your wife?”
”Oh, don’t bother about her,” said Clive. ”

I’ll only be gone a short time and I’m sure she won’t miss me.”

”I KNOW she won’t miss you,” stated the host.

”It’s only five minutes ago that SHE borrowed the spare bedroom!”

The male ego has never allowed that to happen.

It has allowed itself all kinds of freedom; it has not allowed that freedom to the woman.

Now things have changed in the West.

Man and woman are standing on the same plane as human beings.

The woman is no more a goddess,
and she does not pretend and she does not WANT to pretend.

But the Indian mind is very much clouded by the past.

If you drop these minds, if you are just a man and a woman, then there is no problem.

The problems arise out of the Indian mind and the Chinese mind and the American mind –
if you drop the minds then there are no problems.

Then love can flow, and you can grow through it.

But still remember:

No love can be ultimate satisfying.

It can go a LONG way but it cannot go the whole way.

Finally you have to go beyond it.

Learn how to love by loving people,
then one day use that learning to fall in love with the whole,
with existence itself.

Only that day have you come home.


Source : Take It Eas, Vol 1.

love,
anand vikas.
+91 9703939628.